I feel as though the only way my life will be better is if I meet my weight goal... For example, this guy I liked kissed me when I was losing weight and maintained control... but then I had binged the past 3 days and now he doesn't want to do those things with me anymore.
I feel like food ruins things in my life now.
I weighed at 124 Wednesday and when I went on my binge I gained 6 pounds in just 2-3 days. What a fat ass I am. FAT ASS FAT ASS FAT ASS.
Well, I got my old job back (Subway!), so I will be able to plan out my meals better and be alright.
I'm trying harder and harder each day. I will reach my goal no matter what...
PS: My aunt and I weighed each other, so it might have been a good thing to gain that weight so then my family won't get suspicious.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
!!!
127.6 lbs~~~~~~~! <3
Ah, even with me switching back from dieting to binge eating, I still managed to lose weight! I'm hoping to be at 120 lbs before the first of April. The less is better!
I've also decided to try and become a vegetarian. I haven't jumped on the bandwagon yet, but I'm doing research and there are quite a lot of stuff that I like that won't require meat, so whoot!
Keep skinny! xoxo
Ah, even with me switching back from dieting to binge eating, I still managed to lose weight! I'm hoping to be at 120 lbs before the first of April. The less is better!
I've also decided to try and become a vegetarian. I haven't jumped on the bandwagon yet, but I'm doing research and there are quite a lot of stuff that I like that won't require meat, so whoot!
Keep skinny! xoxo
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Stocked Up!
I didn't realize it was going to take me like 1 and a half hours to read labels at the grocery store but it did. It was good exercise though and I didn't get a ride so I walked back with my food as well. There's my exercise for the day. Haha :)
I've been doing really well with my current diet. It's nothing really specific, but I try to keep it at 500 calories. If I go over then it's no more than 800 calories.
I've learned another thing about my new changes. I can't eat late at night anymore. If I do I get this sick full feeling (even if the meal was only 100 calories!). It's just painful. It's actually more painful for me to be full then it is for my stomach to be empty.
Still haven't been near a scale and I don't feel actual changes just yet (most likely cause I haven't seen the numbers yet).
I've been doing really well with my current diet. It's nothing really specific, but I try to keep it at 500 calories. If I go over then it's no more than 800 calories.
I've learned another thing about my new changes. I can't eat late at night anymore. If I do I get this sick full feeling (even if the meal was only 100 calories!). It's just painful. It's actually more painful for me to be full then it is for my stomach to be empty.
Still haven't been near a scale and I don't feel actual changes just yet (most likely cause I haven't seen the numbers yet).
Friday, February 18, 2011
False Alarm and New Discoveries...
I'm not pregnant. yaaaay... okay end of that bit.
I went to eat a hot dog yesterday which ended up being like 500 calories. Then I ended up eating a honey & oats bar (at least it's healthy). Finally I went to IHOP for some yummy pancakes (with my sister again... I have got to stop going out with her to eat!!). I only consumed at least 1,000 calories, but it felt like I had eaten a load of food! Who knew that 1k would make me full? I get sick full, too. At least now I know!
I haven't weighed myself in a while, but as soon as I get near a scale then I will let you know. Hopefully on Sunday, but we'll see.
I have barely any food left. It's great. I don't have a whole lot of money to spend on fast food or anything like that, so I can use these days as fast days. Not at the moment, though, since I do have my honey & oats bars left (eat 4 bars a day and it's only 380 calories). Which is fine with me and I can drink water in between.
When I don't think about what to eat or this diet I realize... I haven't eaten at all yet. I can go until 7 p.m. before I think about actually eating something. That might be a bad thing though since I don't do a whole lot at night.
I went out last night to a restaurant/bar and I saw these two girls and they were so thin! Their legs were the legs I wanted. I can get them. They were just beautiful. The girls wore tops where the back was ripped up so you can see their whole back pretty much. My sister and friends thought it was a bit much, but I didn't at all. I saw inspiration. I saw beauty in her skinny legs. Her skinny arms. Her skinny everything! I want to be just like her.
Thinspiration time! =)
I went to eat a hot dog yesterday which ended up being like 500 calories. Then I ended up eating a honey & oats bar (at least it's healthy). Finally I went to IHOP for some yummy pancakes (with my sister again... I have got to stop going out with her to eat!!). I only consumed at least 1,000 calories, but it felt like I had eaten a load of food! Who knew that 1k would make me full? I get sick full, too. At least now I know!
I haven't weighed myself in a while, but as soon as I get near a scale then I will let you know. Hopefully on Sunday, but we'll see.
I have barely any food left. It's great. I don't have a whole lot of money to spend on fast food or anything like that, so I can use these days as fast days. Not at the moment, though, since I do have my honey & oats bars left (eat 4 bars a day and it's only 380 calories). Which is fine with me and I can drink water in between.
When I don't think about what to eat or this diet I realize... I haven't eaten at all yet. I can go until 7 p.m. before I think about actually eating something. That might be a bad thing though since I don't do a whole lot at night.
I went out last night to a restaurant/bar and I saw these two girls and they were so thin! Their legs were the legs I wanted. I can get them. They were just beautiful. The girls wore tops where the back was ripped up so you can see their whole back pretty much. My sister and friends thought it was a bit much, but I didn't at all. I saw inspiration. I saw beauty in her skinny legs. Her skinny arms. Her skinny everything! I want to be just like her.
Thinspiration time! =)
(I've added a few of her photos already in this post, but her name is Kong Yansong and she won a competition for having the most slender, beautiful legs.)
xxx
Thursday, February 17, 2011
My Diet, My Health
I have been in and out of this diet. A couple of days I eat less than 500 calories. Other days I binge out like a fat ass.
I'm 3 days late for my period. Please tell me this is normal??? I'd like to think that this diet has fucked up my period than think that I'm pregnant. I am sexually active, but PLEASE don't let me be pregnant.
If I became pregnant I could never do this diet. Not with a baby inside of me. It's my choice to be skinny and unhealthy but I would never place that upon my unborn child. Never.
But, I am only 3 days late. I have been late before (but on the rarest occasions). Seriously, fuck my life if I became pregnant. I can barely afford to take care of myself!!
I'm 3 days late for my period. Please tell me this is normal??? I'd like to think that this diet has fucked up my period than think that I'm pregnant. I am sexually active, but PLEASE don't let me be pregnant.
If I became pregnant I could never do this diet. Not with a baby inside of me. It's my choice to be skinny and unhealthy but I would never place that upon my unborn child. Never.
But, I am only 3 days late. I have been late before (but on the rarest occasions). Seriously, fuck my life if I became pregnant. I can barely afford to take care of myself!!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Bad Day Bad Timing
Today has been literally my breaking point. I always keep a positive mind about things but today is the last straw really. There's only so much a person can take.
Nothing in my life has been very accomplished. To be honest, I feel like a failure in life most of the time. No matter what I do, nothing good ever happens. And when something good happens I somehow mess it up for myself and get back to where I am now... a failure.
Also, I have been binge eating like crazy since the last post. Today I had 2 egg whites (30 calories) and 1/2 tbsp of margarine (50 calories). I don't think I want to eat anything else today. I just don't feel like eating at all. When I get emotional like this, I hate to eat. I actually have been cringing at the thought of even eating a lot now. I want to be skinnier. I want to be 105 lbs. If I can reach that goal then I will be happy. So happy.
I need all the support I can get for everyone here. I'm just sick of not being able to accomplish anything. I need to do this. To make myself a better person. I need this.
Nothing in my life has been very accomplished. To be honest, I feel like a failure in life most of the time. No matter what I do, nothing good ever happens. And when something good happens I somehow mess it up for myself and get back to where I am now... a failure.
Also, I have been binge eating like crazy since the last post. Today I had 2 egg whites (30 calories) and 1/2 tbsp of margarine (50 calories). I don't think I want to eat anything else today. I just don't feel like eating at all. When I get emotional like this, I hate to eat. I actually have been cringing at the thought of even eating a lot now. I want to be skinnier. I want to be 105 lbs. If I can reach that goal then I will be happy. So happy.
I need all the support I can get for everyone here. I'm just sick of not being able to accomplish anything. I need to do this. To make myself a better person. I need this.
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