Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
!!!
127.6 lbs~~~~~~~! <3
Ah, even with me switching back from dieting to binge eating, I still managed to lose weight! I'm hoping to be at 120 lbs before the first of April. The less is better!
I've also decided to try and become a vegetarian. I haven't jumped on the bandwagon yet, but I'm doing research and there are quite a lot of stuff that I like that won't require meat, so whoot!
Keep skinny! xoxo
Ah, even with me switching back from dieting to binge eating, I still managed to lose weight! I'm hoping to be at 120 lbs before the first of April. The less is better!
I've also decided to try and become a vegetarian. I haven't jumped on the bandwagon yet, but I'm doing research and there are quite a lot of stuff that I like that won't require meat, so whoot!
Keep skinny! xoxo
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Stocked Up!
I didn't realize it was going to take me like 1 and a half hours to read labels at the grocery store but it did. It was good exercise though and I didn't get a ride so I walked back with my food as well. There's my exercise for the day. Haha :)
I've been doing really well with my current diet. It's nothing really specific, but I try to keep it at 500 calories. If I go over then it's no more than 800 calories.
I've learned another thing about my new changes. I can't eat late at night anymore. If I do I get this sick full feeling (even if the meal was only 100 calories!). It's just painful. It's actually more painful for me to be full then it is for my stomach to be empty.
Still haven't been near a scale and I don't feel actual changes just yet (most likely cause I haven't seen the numbers yet).
I've been doing really well with my current diet. It's nothing really specific, but I try to keep it at 500 calories. If I go over then it's no more than 800 calories.
I've learned another thing about my new changes. I can't eat late at night anymore. If I do I get this sick full feeling (even if the meal was only 100 calories!). It's just painful. It's actually more painful for me to be full then it is for my stomach to be empty.
Still haven't been near a scale and I don't feel actual changes just yet (most likely cause I haven't seen the numbers yet).
Friday, February 18, 2011
False Alarm and New Discoveries...
I'm not pregnant. yaaaay... okay end of that bit.
I went to eat a hot dog yesterday which ended up being like 500 calories. Then I ended up eating a honey & oats bar (at least it's healthy). Finally I went to IHOP for some yummy pancakes (with my sister again... I have got to stop going out with her to eat!!). I only consumed at least 1,000 calories, but it felt like I had eaten a load of food! Who knew that 1k would make me full? I get sick full, too. At least now I know!
I haven't weighed myself in a while, but as soon as I get near a scale then I will let you know. Hopefully on Sunday, but we'll see.
I have barely any food left. It's great. I don't have a whole lot of money to spend on fast food or anything like that, so I can use these days as fast days. Not at the moment, though, since I do have my honey & oats bars left (eat 4 bars a day and it's only 380 calories). Which is fine with me and I can drink water in between.
When I don't think about what to eat or this diet I realize... I haven't eaten at all yet. I can go until 7 p.m. before I think about actually eating something. That might be a bad thing though since I don't do a whole lot at night.
I went out last night to a restaurant/bar and I saw these two girls and they were so thin! Their legs were the legs I wanted. I can get them. They were just beautiful. The girls wore tops where the back was ripped up so you can see their whole back pretty much. My sister and friends thought it was a bit much, but I didn't at all. I saw inspiration. I saw beauty in her skinny legs. Her skinny arms. Her skinny everything! I want to be just like her.
Thinspiration time! =)
I went to eat a hot dog yesterday which ended up being like 500 calories. Then I ended up eating a honey & oats bar (at least it's healthy). Finally I went to IHOP for some yummy pancakes (with my sister again... I have got to stop going out with her to eat!!). I only consumed at least 1,000 calories, but it felt like I had eaten a load of food! Who knew that 1k would make me full? I get sick full, too. At least now I know!
I haven't weighed myself in a while, but as soon as I get near a scale then I will let you know. Hopefully on Sunday, but we'll see.
I have barely any food left. It's great. I don't have a whole lot of money to spend on fast food or anything like that, so I can use these days as fast days. Not at the moment, though, since I do have my honey & oats bars left (eat 4 bars a day and it's only 380 calories). Which is fine with me and I can drink water in between.
When I don't think about what to eat or this diet I realize... I haven't eaten at all yet. I can go until 7 p.m. before I think about actually eating something. That might be a bad thing though since I don't do a whole lot at night.
I went out last night to a restaurant/bar and I saw these two girls and they were so thin! Their legs were the legs I wanted. I can get them. They were just beautiful. The girls wore tops where the back was ripped up so you can see their whole back pretty much. My sister and friends thought it was a bit much, but I didn't at all. I saw inspiration. I saw beauty in her skinny legs. Her skinny arms. Her skinny everything! I want to be just like her.
Thinspiration time! =)
(I've added a few of her photos already in this post, but her name is Kong Yansong and she won a competition for having the most slender, beautiful legs.)
xxx
Thursday, February 17, 2011
My Diet, My Health
I have been in and out of this diet. A couple of days I eat less than 500 calories. Other days I binge out like a fat ass.
I'm 3 days late for my period. Please tell me this is normal??? I'd like to think that this diet has fucked up my period than think that I'm pregnant. I am sexually active, but PLEASE don't let me be pregnant.
If I became pregnant I could never do this diet. Not with a baby inside of me. It's my choice to be skinny and unhealthy but I would never place that upon my unborn child. Never.
But, I am only 3 days late. I have been late before (but on the rarest occasions). Seriously, fuck my life if I became pregnant. I can barely afford to take care of myself!!
I'm 3 days late for my period. Please tell me this is normal??? I'd like to think that this diet has fucked up my period than think that I'm pregnant. I am sexually active, but PLEASE don't let me be pregnant.
If I became pregnant I could never do this diet. Not with a baby inside of me. It's my choice to be skinny and unhealthy but I would never place that upon my unborn child. Never.
But, I am only 3 days late. I have been late before (but on the rarest occasions). Seriously, fuck my life if I became pregnant. I can barely afford to take care of myself!!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Bad Day Bad Timing
Today has been literally my breaking point. I always keep a positive mind about things but today is the last straw really. There's only so much a person can take.
Nothing in my life has been very accomplished. To be honest, I feel like a failure in life most of the time. No matter what I do, nothing good ever happens. And when something good happens I somehow mess it up for myself and get back to where I am now... a failure.
Also, I have been binge eating like crazy since the last post. Today I had 2 egg whites (30 calories) and 1/2 tbsp of margarine (50 calories). I don't think I want to eat anything else today. I just don't feel like eating at all. When I get emotional like this, I hate to eat. I actually have been cringing at the thought of even eating a lot now. I want to be skinnier. I want to be 105 lbs. If I can reach that goal then I will be happy. So happy.
I need all the support I can get for everyone here. I'm just sick of not being able to accomplish anything. I need to do this. To make myself a better person. I need this.
Nothing in my life has been very accomplished. To be honest, I feel like a failure in life most of the time. No matter what I do, nothing good ever happens. And when something good happens I somehow mess it up for myself and get back to where I am now... a failure.
Also, I have been binge eating like crazy since the last post. Today I had 2 egg whites (30 calories) and 1/2 tbsp of margarine (50 calories). I don't think I want to eat anything else today. I just don't feel like eating at all. When I get emotional like this, I hate to eat. I actually have been cringing at the thought of even eating a lot now. I want to be skinnier. I want to be 105 lbs. If I can reach that goal then I will be happy. So happy.
I need all the support I can get for everyone here. I'm just sick of not being able to accomplish anything. I need to do this. To make myself a better person. I need this.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Update
I am currently trying to figure out what kind of diet I will be on and what not.
I will update in the near future once I figure it out.
xoxo
I will update in the near future once I figure it out.
xoxo
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
I FAILED :(
So not even a week of doing this did I fall victim to binging. I think it was because the lower the calories the hungrier I got. I think I'm going to create a diet of my own. Everyday I will eat 500 calories. Eating 500 calories is a lot easier for me than eating 100 calories. Then I would exercise 1000 calories everyday to lose weight quicker. That's something I can def start with tomorrow.
I'm back at my apartment and so I am not near a scale now. If I encounter one, however, I will weight myself and let you know!
I'd like to be 120 lbs before swimsuit season. Even better if I reach 105 lbs! :)
Sorry for failing, and I hope to do better next time!
I'm back at my apartment and so I am not near a scale now. If I encounter one, however, I will weight myself and let you know!
I'd like to be 120 lbs before swimsuit season. Even better if I reach 105 lbs! :)
Sorry for failing, and I hope to do better next time!
Monday, February 7, 2011
DAY 6: Not so sick...
Day 6: 200 Cal
I had the feeling of abandonment last night. I realized last night: "Never ask for things. Wait till it's offered to you. It's less of a hassle."
I weigh 129.0 lbs! (-0.6 lbs)! YAY :)
- Breakfast: 1 Chicken Wing (Cooked, Floured, Fried): 70 calories
- Lunch: 1/2 Cup Chocolate Milk: 75 calories; 2 Egg Whites: 30 calories
- Dinner: Few Potato Chips: 25 calories
I had the feeling of abandonment last night. I realized last night: "Never ask for things. Wait till it's offered to you. It's less of a hassle."
I weigh 129.0 lbs! (-0.6 lbs)! YAY :)
Sunday, February 6, 2011
DAY 5: Feeling sick
DAY 5: 100 Cal
Like I said in my previous post, it was going to be really hard to stick to 100 calories on Super Bowl Sunday. I don't really feel bad about not sticking to this day. It's really hard to do 100 calorie days. I think the great thing about the ABC diet is that the longer you do it the more you realize what works better for you and what just doesn't cut it. I think in the near future I might just fast on these days. Depends on my mood I guess.
My current health status is... I'm getting sick. I don't know if it's because I keep stressing out what to eat that day or what, but hopefully this will go away tonight. Hopefully.
Oh good news! Since doing this diet I have lost 3.4 pounds (129.6 lbs now)! I think that's so great! :)
PS: Egg Whites are only 15 calories each egg. They are a life saver for sure!
Here is some more thinspiration! Theme: the Dallas Cheerleaders!!
- Breakfast: 2 Egg Whites: 30 calories
- Lunch: Subway Veggie Delite Salad: 50 calories; Subway White Macadamia Nut Cookie: 220 calories
- Dinner: Nothing
Like I said in my previous post, it was going to be really hard to stick to 100 calories on Super Bowl Sunday. I don't really feel bad about not sticking to this day. It's really hard to do 100 calorie days. I think the great thing about the ABC diet is that the longer you do it the more you realize what works better for you and what just doesn't cut it. I think in the near future I might just fast on these days. Depends on my mood I guess.
My current health status is... I'm getting sick. I don't know if it's because I keep stressing out what to eat that day or what, but hopefully this will go away tonight. Hopefully.
Oh good news! Since doing this diet I have lost 3.4 pounds (129.6 lbs now)! I think that's so great! :)
PS: Egg Whites are only 15 calories each egg. They are a life saver for sure!
Here is some more thinspiration! Theme: the Dallas Cheerleaders!!
(I kept seeing it so I just decided to add it in. haha)
Starve on! :) xxx
Saturday, February 5, 2011
DAY 4: Tiring, but awesome :)
Day 4: 400 Cal
I'm not really worried about today's calories because I had to eat a little bit more than usual. I didn't want my sister and friends to think I wasn't TRYING to eat. We went to Subway (which was really great!) and then later on went to a seafood joint. That's where I ate that one small potato. I had to eat something in front of them. Or else it'd look really weird.
I went to the mall and walked for 2 hours (340 calories burned) and also went ice skating for 1 hour and 15 minutes (385 calories burned). I did some other things, but I'm not going to list them all. I get help by using this website to calculate how many calories I've burned:
http://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/cbc
Tomorrow is going to be tough because it's the Super Bowl and I don't know what I plan on doing but tomorrow's calorie goal, 100 calories, might not cut it. We'll see what happens though!
**Note To Self**
Never eat after midnight. It sucks and end up having less calories to use during the day.
- Breakfast: 6 pizza rolls (that I had around midnight): 210 calories
- Lunch: "6 in BLT (without cheese): 122 calories
- Dinner: 1 small potato: 130 calories
I'm not really worried about today's calories because I had to eat a little bit more than usual. I didn't want my sister and friends to think I wasn't TRYING to eat. We went to Subway (which was really great!) and then later on went to a seafood joint. That's where I ate that one small potato. I had to eat something in front of them. Or else it'd look really weird.
I went to the mall and walked for 2 hours (340 calories burned) and also went ice skating for 1 hour and 15 minutes (385 calories burned). I did some other things, but I'm not going to list them all. I get help by using this website to calculate how many calories I've burned:
http://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/cbc
Tomorrow is going to be tough because it's the Super Bowl and I don't know what I plan on doing but tomorrow's calorie goal, 100 calories, might not cut it. We'll see what happens though!
**Note To Self**
Never eat after midnight. It sucks and end up having less calories to use during the day.
Early Update
I am currently visiting my parents and they have a scale in their room. I haven't been on a scale yet since I've started this. I am thinking about whether I should weigh myself now or wait until tomorrow. If I do end up weighing myself today then I will post it tonight with my progress.
Last night was tortuous. My sister and friends went to a restaurant and everything they ordered was so good. I had only a glass of water. I did have 20 calories left over from that day so I only took a little bit of my friend's bacon. I love bacon and I can finally understand what it means to enjoy a meal. It was wonderful.
Along with last night I was talking to one of my online friends from Germany and told him that I was on this diet. It was then that I realized how horrifying it was to even tell anyone I know at all. I wanted to back out from this then and there and told "M" that I was going to eat something! When I got into the kitchen, however, I ended up checking the time. Thank god it was after midnight or else I'd be upset because I ended up eating 6 pieces of the pizza rolls. I ended up just sticking with this diet. 210 calories for those pizza rolls?! Now I only have 190 calories left and my sister plans on going out to eat today (and I can't escape it). Hopefully it will be at a chain restaurant because I can always google search how many calories are in which food. Thank you google!
When I ate those pizza rolls, though, it left an unsettling feeling in my stomach. It was actually kinda painful. I can now understand what it means to eat something and it becomes painful. I also ate them pretty fast so that might have contributed to it.
Thinspiration time! Theme: before/after :)~
Because for some odd reason thinner does taste better!
Friday, February 4, 2011
DAY 3: Going Strong!
Day 3: 300 Cal
I was able to accomplish my Day 2 fasting and Day 3 is going great! I live with lots of roommates and I have been really picky about that they have been eating. I'd tell them how many calories they were consuming and what not. I really should stop because I am getting to the point where I become jealous. My roommate also watches tv all the time and watches the food network channel. That's tortuous. I have also been feeling kinda light. I have less energy. I will be the one to say, I hate exercising, but I love doing activities; like biking, swimming, ice skating, etc. I just can't tell myself to start exercising. I find it to be really boring.
I have been figuring out rules for myself. I will stay as strict as possible to my plan; however, if I happen to go to my favorite food places (that being Indian and Vietnamese and Italian) then I have to give in. I love these types of dishes. I'll eat a little then save the rest for later. I have worked at an Indian and Vietnamese restaurant before, so I know what they put in their food.
Thinspiration! Theme: leeeeegs!
- Breakfast: 2 Egg Whites (with 1/2 tbsp margarine) : 85 calories; 1/3 Cup Cinnamon Toast Crunch (w/ 1/3 cup 2% Milk) : 75 calories
- Lunch: Nothing
- Dinner: 1 Cup Vegetable Soup (with 1 tsp curry powder): 120
I was able to accomplish my Day 2 fasting and Day 3 is going great! I live with lots of roommates and I have been really picky about that they have been eating. I'd tell them how many calories they were consuming and what not. I really should stop because I am getting to the point where I become jealous. My roommate also watches tv all the time and watches the food network channel. That's tortuous. I have also been feeling kinda light. I have less energy. I will be the one to say, I hate exercising, but I love doing activities; like biking, swimming, ice skating, etc. I just can't tell myself to start exercising. I find it to be really boring.
I have been figuring out rules for myself. I will stay as strict as possible to my plan; however, if I happen to go to my favorite food places (that being Indian and Vietnamese and Italian) then I have to give in. I love these types of dishes. I'll eat a little then save the rest for later. I have worked at an Indian and Vietnamese restaurant before, so I know what they put in their food.
Thinspiration! Theme: leeeeegs!
Until tomorrow! =)
Thursday, February 3, 2011
DAY 2: I really hate myself right now...
Day 2: 500 Cal
I am so upset with myself last night. A couple hours after I had posted the first day progression, I had decided to drink with my roommates. I don't think a lot of people realize that taking a shot of vodka is 65 calories! 65 CALORIES! I ended up consuming almost 200 calories for my drinking.
It gets worse though... I also ended up eating over 1500 calories worth of food in ONE sitting. I didn't think about it at all. Where was Ana to tell me to stop! Now she is laughing at me and calling me a fatty for all that food I consumed. I kind of want to cry, but I'm holding the tears back.
As punishment, I have decided to not eat anything but liquids. I think just plain water will be enough! This is also a good time for me to stop drinking because of how much calories I rack up when I'm unable to control my eating. Also, I plan on doing some long exercises as well. I'll post again later tonight.
I'm sorry Ana. Please forgive me and help me reach my goal! I don't want to become fat.
- Breakfast: Nothing
- Lunch: Nothing
- Dinner: Nothing
I am so upset with myself last night. A couple hours after I had posted the first day progression, I had decided to drink with my roommates. I don't think a lot of people realize that taking a shot of vodka is 65 calories! 65 CALORIES! I ended up consuming almost 200 calories for my drinking.
It gets worse though... I also ended up eating over 1500 calories worth of food in ONE sitting. I didn't think about it at all. Where was Ana to tell me to stop! Now she is laughing at me and calling me a fatty for all that food I consumed. I kind of want to cry, but I'm holding the tears back.
As punishment, I have decided to not eat anything but liquids. I think just plain water will be enough! This is also a good time for me to stop drinking because of how much calories I rack up when I'm unable to control my eating. Also, I plan on doing some long exercises as well. I'll post again later tonight.
I'm sorry Ana. Please forgive me and help me reach my goal! I don't want to become fat.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
DAY 1: A Good Start!
Day 1: 500 Cal
I didn't work out much today. I only did a quick 10 minute yoga workout. Yoga isn't as fun as biking. I think I'm just going to stick with biking.
I don't really feel hungry, but I don't feel full either. I guess that's the best of both worlds! Right before this boot camp I went a bought food that would fit with this program I'm doing. Hopefully I can keep this up. I really need a lot of support on this. I have read other blogs that is giving me the courage and inspiration to do this. I'm only scared because I can eat a lot. I mean, A LOT. I fear that I will relapse and eat everything in sight.
I don't think it's going to be hard to not eat a lot in front of my roommates. Mainly because they don't notice EVERYTHING I do. Super awesome! :)
Wouldn't it be wonderful if I was THIS skinny?
I never want to look like THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please, Ana. please never let me be fat! Help me make it through this.
- Breakfast: 3/4 Cup Cinnamon Toast Crunch (130 cal), 1/2 Cup 2% Reduced Milk (65 cal), 1 Cup Chocolate Milk (150 cal)
- Lunch: 1 Cup Vegetable Soup w/ Curry Powder (110 cal)
- Dinner: Nothing
I didn't work out much today. I only did a quick 10 minute yoga workout. Yoga isn't as fun as biking. I think I'm just going to stick with biking.
I don't really feel hungry, but I don't feel full either. I guess that's the best of both worlds! Right before this boot camp I went a bought food that would fit with this program I'm doing. Hopefully I can keep this up. I really need a lot of support on this. I have read other blogs that is giving me the courage and inspiration to do this. I'm only scared because I can eat a lot. I mean, A LOT. I fear that I will relapse and eat everything in sight.
I don't think it's going to be hard to not eat a lot in front of my roommates. Mainly because they don't notice EVERYTHING I do. Super awesome! :)
I never want to look like THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please, Ana. please never let me be fat! Help me make it through this.
The Start
This is going to be an introductory post. Pretty much just to give you an idea of my situation and what I'm going to do from this point on.
I would never identify myself as an anorexic mainly because I have not been diagnosed as having a "mental disorder" and what not. I have chosen to restrict my eating.
Why?
I think it would be nice to reach my lowest weight I had when I was in high school, which was 115 lbs. Now I weight 135 lbs and 5" 9' tall. I'm really thankful that I'm tall because if I was short and weighed 135 lbs, I'd hate myself.
I have decided to do the ABC (Ana Boot Camp). It's definitely going to be a huge challenge, but I can manage it! I'm also going to exercise double or triple the amount calories I intake that day.
My next post will contain information about my moods and what I have consumed that day.
Wish me luck! :)
I would never identify myself as an anorexic mainly because I have not been diagnosed as having a "mental disorder" and what not. I have chosen to restrict my eating.
Why?
I think it would be nice to reach my lowest weight I had when I was in high school, which was 115 lbs. Now I weight 135 lbs and 5" 9' tall. I'm really thankful that I'm tall because if I was short and weighed 135 lbs, I'd hate myself.
I have decided to do the ABC (Ana Boot Camp). It's definitely going to be a huge challenge, but I can manage it! I'm also going to exercise double or triple the amount calories I intake that day.
My next post will contain information about my moods and what I have consumed that day.
Wish me luck! :)
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